Happy Birthday, Dad!

Happy Birthday, Dad!  You would have been 74 today and you would have said,”Isn’t life just GREAT?  I feel younger every year!  Isn’t that great, care?!?!”  I would have laughed and made some comment about how much I love you and how you were going to outlive us all.  I love you, dad. And I’m sorry you didn’t outlive us all.  You deserved to.  Yesterday I was running errands and I picked up my phone to call you.  That’s what I do when I run errands.  I call you.  It’s so strange now.  Everything is strange.  I don’t have an understanding of the world. I miss you. I miss hearing about your bike rides and about how many reps you did at the gym and about who you met that day and about how friendly everyone is in Peachtree City and about how every day is the most beautiful day EVER.  And I miss you stating the facts with no commentary.  Like “wow, there’s a lot of traffic.”  And it would stop there.  You wouldn’t complain about it.  You would just get it off your chest and sit there being all positive.  Thanks for doing that.  I’m really good in traffic because of you.  I’m still working on Danny though…..

I went for a bike ride in your honor today!  My first time ever on a road bike.  Thanks for passing that sweet ass bike onto me (did you noticed how I swore???  I thought that might make you smile).  It’s fast!  I’m now on the hunt for some folks that’ll teach me to ride that thing.

On my bike ride I was thinking about how beautiful it was to take care of you during your final few weeks.  You never complained.  Not one time.  And you ALWAYS thanked me. Even when I sat on the floor crying not knowing what to do to help you.  You said,”I don’t know what I’m doing either.  We’ll work through this together.”   I realized, from this experience, what the definition of GRACE actually is.  Thank you for showing that to me.

Danny took some photos of our final two days together and I’m going to share them with the world if you don’t mind.  I actually know you don’t mind, because I asked you before you died.  They’re difficult for me to look at, but so healing….I’m thankful to have them….

Oh, and your ashes were delivered today.  You knew something big was going to happen on your birthday…..you kept talking about that throughout this process…..now we know what it was all about.

I miss you.  Happy Birthday.  Their are actually still no words…..this is just a bunch of gibberish, it feels like.  But I’m trying, dad.  It’s hard to talk to you sometimes.  I really want to hear your voice…..

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20 thoughts on “Happy Birthday, Dad!

  1. Thinking of you. I’m sure you’ll get stronger each day, you have the wings of an angel around you always. What another good post. Happy Birthday, Dad.

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  2. What a devastatingly beautiful post. I think it would be cathartic for you and cball to go for a road bike ride. We miss you and think of you all the time.

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  3. I’m so sorry sweet angel that your daddy died. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing your heart. Stand now upon this great man’s shoulders and rise into your destiny. I love love love you.

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  4. Your words and the pictures of you two, father and daughter, are so beautiful. It’s true, and it’s raw, and it’s love at it’s finest. It’s life…what a blessing~~

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  5. I love that you are writing this Carrie, and I am so sorry for your loss. I was able to spend time with both my parents in similar situations and I dearly wish someone had taken pictures. They are some of the hardest but most precious memories I have. I tried to write everything I could remember about my father’s passing, since so many of the little details fade. Hang in there.

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  6. Carrie, such a beautiful tribute to your dad! He will be dearly missed by each and everyone whose life he touched. He had a great impact on our entire family and he was treasured by our family. You described him perfectly–always so upbeat–“that’s a good thing”!!! He would always say that to us at RETS (work). Thank you for sharing your precious pictures with us. Happy Birthday Rich!

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  7. I lost my beloved dad in January and cannot get over your images of your father’s last few days. Yes, exactly that. Happy, beautiful, heartbreaking. And so much love, that doesn’t really go away. Stay strong, stranger.

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  8. So very sorry for your loss. The pictures are quite poignant. I hope each day brings you some healing, comfort and peace. Take care, Carrie

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  9. Sweet Carrie,
    My deepest condolences to you. I have felt your pain. I lost my father early December 2014.
    I, too, was blessed to be with him his last days. Although my father is no longer of this world, I speak with him everyday.
    I sometimes find myself laughing out loud remembering the funny things he used to say.
    Thank you for sharing your precious song and photos of your daddy.
    We keep our loved ones forever in our heart.
    God Bless,
    Diana

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    1. Diana,
      I’m so sorry you lost your papa this past December, but so happy you were able to be with him during his last days. As difficult as that time is, I can’t imagine not having the chance to say goodbye. AND, I LOVE those laughing moments! I have them, too. Often it’s when I’m playing a show. For some reason, something about my dad will pop into my head and I get the biggest smile on my face. we’re so lucky to have those memories, right?????
      Thank you for your message.
      Much love.
      Carrie

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  10. So sorry to hear about your Dad. My Dad passed away years ago and it took me a long, long time to get over it. My life kind of spun out of control fro a few years after that, I really let it get to me. It’s easy to say its part of life, but its the part I hate.

    Glad you have your music and song writing to get your feelings out. I’m sure that will help a lot. I met you went you were at the Art center in Huntington Beach, ca. I loved and still love your song “judge me by my company of friends”

    Clem Dominguez

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    1. Hi Clem,
      Thank you so much for your message. It really does take a long time, huh? Often times, in the moment, we don’t even realize why we’re spinning out of control, and then we look back on it and say,”OF COURSE THAT WAS WHY!” And I agree, I hate that part of life, too. Losing a parent SUCKS.
      I appreciate you writing and hope to see you back in CA again soon. xo

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  11. I am sad about your dad passing. Thank you for sharing this post with us all. Feels like you are letting us all honor a beautiful human being. May you continue to heal with him close in your heart.

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  12. Takes me back to losing my dad over 2 years ago. I still talk to him and, you know, I really want to hear his voice, too. Thanks, Carrie, for putting words to these feelings. Hope you have just what you need as you move through this process. Cheryl

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    1. Hi Cheryl,
      I’m so sorry you lost your papa, too. It’s quite a ride, isn’t it? I’m so happy you still talk with him. It’s incredibly healing for me to keep chatting with my dad, but oh do I miss his voice. I’m lucky enough to have voice mails from him that I saved on my phone. Every now and again, I listen to them all. I always have a good cry afterwards. Thank you so much for your message. xo

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